


Trust Me, You'll be Lonely

by supergeekytoon



Category: Mission: Impossible, Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Benji is a strong guy™, Canonical Character Death, ETHAN JUST NEEDS TO COPE WITH HIS STRESS AND ANXIETY, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Ethan, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation (2015) Spoilers, Movie: Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation, Post-Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation (2015), References to Depression, he's also soft™, just two guys who are also secret agents, nothing too graphic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-11 17:45:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15977321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supergeekytoon/pseuds/supergeekytoon
Summary: Dreaming was a foreign concept to Ethan, he never dreamt. Not after he joined the IMF anyway. But that was such a long time ago and now he longed to close his eyes without feeling the fear and loneliness that awaited him at night.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> “Imagine Ethan overhearing Benji’s name at work, followed by some snide remarks. Imagine him sitting in the Secretary’s office a few hours later with bandaged knuckles -IA” Headcanon from anon on iknxwtherisks tumblr  
> https://iknxwtherisks.tumblr.com/post/177902730826/imagine-ethan-overhearing-benjis-name-at-work
> 
> Second Fic Reviews and comment always welcome. 
> 
> The title is a reference to Panic! at the Disco's song "Hey look Ma, I made it." 
> 
> Shout out to Iknxwtherisks on tumblr for letting me do a fic based on this post

 

Secretary Hunley sitting in the large leather chair at his desk, staring at the afternoon sun. A welcome distraction from the work in front of him; reinstating the IMF required an amount of paperwork that he had yet to see in his entire career. He sighed, the frustration clear as day.

“Budget reports. Risk Management. Oh, what’s this?’ He glanced over the paper at the side of his desk.

 “HR Report?’ he pressed the intercom button at his side. “Betty, why is this HR Report in my Office?”

 

“Sir, HR thought it best for you to handle the situation, sir.” “Alright then.”

 

He read aloud, “incident between two individuals late yesterday evening. No report has been filed by either party, but security footage clearly shows an incident of significant force. …Should be handled at the earliest convenience.”

 

He stopped “Betty, did they leave the security footage with you?” “They did sir, let me bring it in.”

 

She opened the door gracefully, leaving a disk on the table for the secretary. “Here you go, sir.” Her face neutral but respectful.

Hunley popped the disk in his DVD player. The grainy footage showed to men in the break room. One was at the table near the door, while the other stood next to the coffee pot.

 It like two workers simply working late. Other’s appear to meet up with the gentleman at the table. Hunley couldn’t get a clear enough shot of his face but the other man was clear.

The stature of him appeared slightly smaller than that of the other man, his hair was dark. “Hunt?”

After a minute or so the pleasant-seeming conversation is interrupted by Ethan shuffling past. The first gentleman gets up from his seat and seems to be speaking to him in a less than friendly manner. Ethan then lunges towards him and the fight begins.

 

Hunley looked on. He hadn’t known Ethan personally very long, however, his reputation preceded him. It didn’t seem within his character to be persuaded to violence so quickly.

“Betty can you get me the security office on the line, please.”

 

“One moment. Ok, I have them.”

 

“Secretary Hunley, is everything fine?” “Yes Adams, though I’d like to inquire about the incident from last night.”

“Oh yeah, Davidson broke up a squabble between a Mr. Ethan Hunt and a Mr. Dave Johnson.”  “Was anything damaged? Were they severely hurt?”

 

“No and No. They were led off the premises and that was the end of it. I expect them to come back in today.” “Thank you, Adams.” With that Hunley hung up the phone.

 

“Betty, tell Brandt I need to see him.”

 

It was a few minutes later that Brandt arrived in his office, out of breath. Hunley had since begun working through the budget reports.

 

“Brandt, do you know anything about last night’s incident?” “What incident, sir?”

“Ethan hunt got into a fistfight with one of the other field agents last night. Now, I know the both of you fraternize outside of the office, so I’d have reason to believe that would have confided in you.”

 

Brandt looked at him confused. “Sir, I’ve been away finalizing the reinstatement process. I believe you’ll need to speak with Hunt directly on the matter.”

 

“Very well. Get him in here then.” “Ok.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ethan was seated at his desk, typing away for a report that was long overdue. The memories from London haunted him every time he would begin to write it. It was always like this, but he never got used to it. The trauma was still too fresh, even if three months had passed by now. He couldn't shake the gross feeling he had whenever he revisited that night.  

What if they couldn’t open the disk? What if they couldn’t get to the prime minister in time? What if Benji was killed, taking out half of the river Thames with him.

The scenarios raced through his mind as though he were switching between tabs on a computer screen. It was just one after the other. He yawned, realizing that his lack of sleep was catching up to him as well. He needed to rest, he needed to work, he needed something. Something that wasn’t dangerous or scary. Something that could afford him a night’s rest without the nightmares coming to taunt him. No such thing existed. And even if it did, how would he get it. He could get some medicinal herbs, but he's done that before and it just made him eat more and less focused. That wasn't good for work. He _could_ talk to someone, but he never seemed to have time.  

 

“Yo, Ethan.” It was Brandt, breaking Ethan out of his head for a moment “I heard about what happened last night, you ok?”

 

He sighed heavily, face turning red. “Yeah, I just had a rough time of it. That's all" 

 

“Well, Hunley wants to see you in his office asap.”

 

“Alright then.” "When you're done we can meet up later tonight if you'd like." "Sounds good." 

He made his way to Hunley's office, tense and drained. He felt like a college student in the worst kind of way  

It was half past 4 o’clock and he was seated waiting outside Hunley’s office as though he were a troublesome schoolboy. Ethan sighed looking down at his fist, bandaged tightly, numbing the pain slightly.

Secretary Hunley opened the door to his office, two men leaving as he did. He motioned for Ethan to walk in. Hunley grabbed a glass from his decanter, pouring some scotch in.  Ethan sat down in front of his desk.

“Hunt, what am I going to do with you?”

“What do you mean sir?”

His face remained low, looking towards the ground.  
“Hunt, Do you know how long I’ve been at the CIA?” “No, sir.”

 

“Long enough to know who you are." Ethan stared up at him, perplexed by the secretary. 

"You are not so easily moved to a fist fight at work Hunt.”

 

Hunley looked at him, soft but stern at the same time.  “Ethan look at me. What happened last night?”

 

Ethan hesitated for a moment before meeting his gaze. “I don’t know sir.”

 

There was audible scoff at that answer, and he winced.

 

“Ethan, you don’t just clock someone in the face for no reason. What happened last night that provoked you to such anger?”

 

“It’s nothing. I just. They were speaking in an ill manner of a friend of mine. When I went to make my leave, David began to taunt me.”

Hunley looked at him, as though by staring at him could a satisfactory answer be found.

 “Hunt, why did you fight him?”

“Because I couldn’t let it stand. Benji has saved my life more times than I can count. The least I could do is defend his honor as his friend.”

Ethan suddenly stood up, his eyes watering and a rage seemed to come over him.

“David doesn’t know him. He has no right talking about him. Benji was kidnapped and held hostage. I don’t find that something to joke about in the slightest. He knows nothing about Me, or Benji or the rest of my team for that matter.”

He stopped, realizing where he was and who he was speaking too. "My apologies, sir. I haven't been myself." "Would you like a drink?" 

He considered it for a moment "I'd better not. I do need to drive home." "Yes, I understand. Listen, Ethan, this is a serious issue. I'm going to have to put you on leave for a week or two. I want you to get some rest, and any help you may need." 

"Very well, sir." 

With that, the conversation ended. Ethan headed out to his car getting stuck in the rush hour traffic making his commute roughly 20 minutes longer than it normally was. As he got home to his apartment, he flung himself to the couch and sighed loudly as though he were a petulant child.

"If only my brain could turn off when I sleep." 

He closed his eyes drifting from consciousness. The first thing he saw was that fateful night about 20 years ago. The night he lost everything. He hadn't seen that in his dreams in a while, and like an unwelcome marathon on basic cable, it carried on. Everyone died, sometimes different from how they died in reality. Sometimes they died all at once, sometimes Ethan joins them. The worst times though is when he saves them. They're never there when he wakes, not anymore. 


	2. Chapter 2

Despite the mark on his record, all things considered, it was better to be home not thinking of work for a while

He returned home that night after a round vigorous drinking with Brandt in order to ease the tension within him. This also meant, however, he wouldn’t be able to take any sleeping medication without severely endangering his health. So, he shuffled off to bed, texting Brandt that he had made it home safely. He closed his eyes trying to find a rest from the world around him.

      When he opened his eyes again he was running. He couldn’t remember why, though.  It was dark, the stars dimly scattered throughout the sky. There were very few cars and fewer people. He was in danger. But then again, when was he not? He examined his surroundings looking for a good hiding spot and he stopped by an empty alleyway, hiding behind the garbage cans. His heart began to pound violently in his chest and the moisture from his breath surrounded the air. It felt cold, adding to his sense of fear.

“Mr. Hunt?” a voice echoed, making his spine shiver. It was all too familiar. He remained silent, attempting to make his body small. A loud bang followed. He closed his eyes, trying to wish the world away but to no avail. When they opened again two dark eyes stared intensely at him. “Lane.”

“Shhh. Don’t speak.” He placed his cold hand over his mouth, gun in the other hand.

“Tell me where the disk is, or I shoot _him_.” He pointed the gun above Ethan, behind the two of them.  Ethan turned to see who it was, the figure slightly obscured by the darkness of the night.

“Ethan don’t.” an accented voice shouted. _Benji_

 _“_ Benji, I can’t let you die-” another loud bang rang above him, Lane’s hand firmly pressed against his mouth.

 

 He woke up in a cold sweat, face first with his pillow. He gasped for air, out of breath and pulse racing. He pushed himself upright and began to breathe deeply, attempting to calm himself.

“I won’t be able to shake this, will I?” He spoke to himself. 

He grabbed the remote on the nightstand, finding something to distract him. He ended up putting on a mindless reality tv show. He glanced at his phone back over on the nightstand. It was midday.  He checked to see if he got any texts or calls. No one had called him besides his mother, checking in on him most likely. He called her back, hoping not to worry her by the delay in response. 

“Hello, sweetheart! How’s my baby doing?”  He smiled hearing her sweet and caring voice at the other end. There was always something about her that calmed him whe she spoke.

“Hi Mom, I’m doing fine.”

“Hmmm. Just fine? How’s work?” Ethan winced, remembering why he was home.

“Oh well, I’m actually taking a few days off. Yeah, I have some personal time and I’m thinking of going on a trip somewhere.” He said, not wanting to explain the situation in its entirety.

“Oh, I see. Why don’t you come up here for a few days?”

“Maybe, that sounds like a good idea. How’s the farm?”

“It’s doing good. It’s just not the same without your father or you around you know?”

They continued to talk for a few minutes, leaving Ethan with a sense of ease

“Yeah. Well, I’ll see if I drop by soon Ma, so you’ll have more hands around. K’ I love you mom, yeah see you soon.”

 

He placed the phone back on his nightstand, thinking about what he should do with his time now, seeing as he was going to be on leave for at least a week maybe more. He thought, perhaps, he’d do nothing for a while and disappear; Do some soul searching.

In truth, he didn’t know what to do. So instead he went into the shower, the birthplace of great ideas. The water was hot on his skin, enveloping him like an old hoodie from an ex. It had a warm and familiar kind of sting.  He spent a while just feeling the water run down his face and back. it was as though it were the anchor that was tethering him to reality, helping to numb the pain. He did get out eventually, feeling cleaner at the very least.

He got dressed in a pair of jeans that had been worn before and a clean but wrinkled shirt. Ethan went to his kitchen, opening the living room curtains to let in some light in his small apartment. He went to the cupboards hoping to find the coffee filters, but there were none.

“Eh, I’ll just use the paper towels.” He noticed that he had run out of coffee grounds as well, making his endeavor pointless. “Fine, I’ll just make breakfast without it. Eggs and bacon will fine.”

 He went through the fridge, but instead of the eggs and bacon he desperately wanted, there was a carton of expired milk, a brown banana and that weird stain from the time he forgot to get rid of the rotting lemons from the bottom of the fridge.   

“Maybe I’ll just starve myself.” He sighed resigning himself to making the trip to the supermarket.

 There was something about going to the supermarket that made him feel like he had lost control of his life, in a very comedically dark sense anyway. He realized it was the first time in months that he had gone properly grocery shopping, almost a year in fact.  He hadn’t done much grocery shopping while tracking the syndicate, he mostly ate street food or at high-end restaurants. Since he returned he’s mostly ordered out or had bar food, not a decent home-cooked meal. When He and Julia were still together, they’d make time to sit down at home and eat together. They’d talk about each other’s day; the good, the bad and the in between. His heart ached for that again. But he couldn’t have it no matter how hard he’d try. He always was fated to lose the ones he cared about most.

 

He ended up buying mostly nonperishables, with some eggs, bacon, and milk thrown in for good measure. By the time he got home he felt even more tired, the trip to the store only proved helpful in making him sadder. How could food make you sad? Was that even a thing?  He needed to talk to someone and get out of his headspace for a while. He went through his contacts and phoned Benji.

“This is Benjamin Dunn.”

 “Hey Benji, it’s me, Ethan.”

“Oh, hey Ethan I heard what happened at work yesterday. I hope you’re doing alright.”

“Yeah, I’m doing alright. How about you?”

“I’m getting out of work in a few hours which is nice.”

“Do you have any plans for tonight?”

“No, I was just going to water my Japanese peace lily. Why? What did you have in mind?”

“I thought we could have a drink or two tonight, or we could do something else.”

“That sounds fine, when’d you want to meet up? I’m free around 6, do you want to meet up by that place at work?”

“Yeah, that sounds good, I’ll see you then.”

 

Later that night, they met up in the bar. Benji was dressed in a dress shirt and tie, while Ethan remained in his casual attire.

“So, I heard you’re on leave,” Benji said quietly staring down at his beer. “Yeah.”

“I saw you decked a guy in the face.” Ethan’s face flushed, “You saw the tape?”

Benji looked down at Ethan’s hand, it was bandaged up still. He held it “Does it still hurt?” “A little, but I think Dave’s nose hurts more than my hand,” he said with a bitter chuckle.

“May I inquire as to why you did punch him?” “It’s about, well it’s about you.”

He felt the heat rising in his cheeks, it felt unnatural to be this vulnerable.

“Oh, I see.” He responded quietly “Did he say anything about m-“

“Yeah, he’s uh, not your biggest fan. He said that you, uh, deserved what happened to you back in London. You’re an incompetent agent and it’s a wonder how you passed the field exam.  

He turned away from Benji. He hated even repeating the words. Benji grabbed his shoulder

“Ethan, it’s ok. Thanks for defending my honor, but you didn’t have to do that.”

“You’re my friend, Benji. I’ll always have your back. But yeah maybe I shouldn’t have punched him.”

 “On the bright side, you have a lot of free time now.” Benji smiled awkwardly, unsure of how to turn the conversation around to a happy, less vulnerable one. “I was actually hoping to visit my family back in London this week. I think it’ll be good to fill that place back up with happier memories, after what happened.”

The thought of Benji going back to London on his own made Ethan anxious. He wouldn’t be able to sleep soundly without being there to protect him. It was irrational to believe that Benji couldn’t protect himself on a lowkey trip to visit family, but It was too soon, too recent to let him go on his own. Ethan wanted to be able to relax and not have to worry about Benji, but he couldn’t. He was stuck in thought, worrying his companion.

“Uh, Ethan?” Benji looked on

“Can I go with you?” He asked.

 “What? Why?’ he said, with a smile on his face. ‘I’m just visiting my parents”

Ethan paused thinking of a good excuse, not wanting to seem like an anxious ball of emotions. 

“Well, I’ll be cooped up in my apartment otherwise, I guess some spontaneity would do me some good.”

“I guess there’s no harm in that. Just promise not to be bored to death by my family.” He said, adding quietly, “Fair warning if I bring you home they might think we’re dating.”

He choked on his beer, laughing.

“Did you tell them that or?”

“No, I just promised them, somewhat jokingly, that the next time I go home I’d be in a serious committed relationship. But you know there’s not much time for that in our line of work”

“I see. It would look strange if you suddenly went home with a ‘friend’ to visit family.”

“Right. Well, I’ll worry about my gran, but I’ll be sure to tell my family you’re coming along.”

“Alright sounds like we have a plan. When do we leave?” Ethan said excited, glad for the change of pace from the suffocating confines of his apartment.

“Thursday morning, 7:30 am.”

      With that, everything was settled. They agreed to meet at the airport early at 5:00 am on Thursday. They parted ways sometime later that evening. As Ethan fell asleep he was calmer, knowing he’d be with Benji. He’d be able to protect him this time.

       They met up at the airport Thursday morning. Benji was there waiting for him. Ethan had slept well, though given the time of day he was still fairly tired. “

Ethan Hunt, I’m so glad you could join me.” Benji greeted in a jovial manner. “Are you prepared for bad teeth and boiled food?”

“I’m ready for anything. Thanks for letting me come along, Benji. I’m not sure I would’ve survived being home much longer.” He responded in the same tone.

They made their way to the gate, arriving at 6:45, just in time to board. However, due to some heavy rain, they got delayed.

 

“I hate flight delays.’ Benji pouted ‘It’s always something. Turbulence, headwind, giant jump roping robots.” 

“What was that last one?”

“Oh, it’s nothing just an inside joke.”  Benji smiled, and Ethan laughed

“Be glad we’re not in Newark International. That place will drive you up the walls with delays.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, back when I was in the army I got stationed at Fort Dix for a while. One time I ended up booking my flight through there and I had a four-hour delay. Mom was not happy.”

 Benji smiled. “Sounds like it wasn’t a good time. At least I can have a decent coffee while we wait. You want some?”

 “Coffee sounds great.”

 Benji returned a few minutes later, with two hot cups of coffee. "Here you go. It has the soymilk and three sugars just like you like." Ethan looked up at him, grabbing the cup

 "How'd you know?" Benji smiled sheepishly "Oh well, you know. I have good observational skills. That's what you ordered when we took that flight to Morroco."

 "Ah, well thank you." They drank their coffee and chewed the fat waiting for the boarding process to start. They ended boarding at around 9:30 am, and within eight hours they would arrive in London. Benji took the window and Ethan took the aisle and eventually, the plane took off. Benji opened up his computer and started typing away at it. Ethan read The Alchemist and eventually fell asleep. 

When he closed his eyes this time there was nothing, save for darkness. He heard a gunshot in the distance. And then again silence. The cycle continued for a while, but nothing would come of it. It only made him tense. When the landed it was midnight. He was awoken by Benji, letting him know they were arriving in London. 

"We're here Ethan, time to get up."

“Ugh, did I fall asleep?” he replied a bit incoherently 

“Yeah, you did.”

“Now I’m going to be jetlagged like it’s no one’s business."  

 

They grabbed their luggage and went through customs, all pretty usual and uneventful. Benji hailed a cab and they made their way down to a modest hotel nearby. 

 “It isn’t much, it’s just to rest for the night. We’ll leave first thing tomorrow and go to my parents. I hope you don’t mind?”

 “No, no. It is perfectly alright. I confess the trip has made me a bit tired."  
 

They headed in the dim but warmly lit lobby. No one was at the front desk. Benji took initiative and rang the bell at the counter. After about a minute or so a young woman came the desk.

 “I apologize for the tardiness, I was assisting one of our unrulier guests. How may I be of help to you two gentlemen?” She smiled, though it was clear the exhaustion was getting to her as well.

 “We need a room with two double beds, please.”

 She typed away at the computer in front of her. She looked up again to Benji “How long do intend to stay?”

 “Just for the evening.”

 “Alright. Well, it looks like we don’t have many rooms available.  I could put you both up a room with one double.”

 

Benji glanced at Ethan uncertainly, He looked back as to say, ‘it’s fine by me.’

 “I suppose that’ll be alright. How much will it be?

 “It’ll come to 174.37.”

 

Ethan reached in his back pocket for his wallet, taking out his credit card. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered.”

They finalized the payment and were given the keys to their room. It was on the second floor.

The room itself was modest, the light fixtures were older than the rest of the room. There was a television and a small desk by the window. The bed had fresh covers and it looked clean. It seemed cozy. Ethan turned on the lamp that was above the bed, warmly lighting up the room.

 “I guess I’ll take this side’ he said gesture to the right side of the bed. He fished around his carryon until he found his toiletries bag. He headed to the bathroom and brushed his teeth and washed his face. He looked back to the door and swiftly grabbed his pill bottle. He took a tablet a swallowed quickly. He placed everything neatly back in his bag and he returned to the room. Benji was sat on the other side of the bed connecting his phone the outlet on the wall.

“Bathroom’s free,” Ethan muttered quietly

“Cool. I’m just going to get ready for bed, I guess.”

Ethan got into bed pulling the covers over him, he turned the tv on to a random news channel and lowered the volume. “Benji, do you mind if I leave the tv on?”

“No, by all means!” he shouted in response clearly still brushing his teeth.

At last, they were both in bed, leaving an imaginary boundary in the middle to respect personal space. Benji sat up for a while watching the tv, as Ethan laid his head on the pillow and he closed his eyes.  There was a comfortable silence between them, an almost intimate moment. Benji looked down at Ethan, his face softly illuminated by the television light.

“Ethan, do you mind if I ask you something?”  Ethan eyes remained closed “Go ahead, Benji…”

“Why’d you really want to tag along? I mean it’s not as if you haven’t seen London before and there are far more exotic locales you could visit.”

“I just wanted to hang out with my friend, is all…”

 

With that, they turned in for the night, relaxed in each others company. 


	3. Chapter 3

Benji stirred in bed, the sound of the morning news penetrating his dreams until he woke. Careful not to wake the older man beside him, he moved gently. He went into the bathroom take a shower. He made the frame of his body smaller, slightly crouching underneath the showerhead.  The water pressure was minimal against his flesh and the water was tepid, much to his discomfort. “Damn motels,” He muttered in frustration. His thoughts meandered through his head, as though they themselves were getting used to being up and awake. They ranged from that of breakfast to the funny Russian cat picture he saw the other day. Eventually, they landed on the man he had just shared a bed with.

Despite what Ethan thought, he wasn’t good at hiding his problems. Benji was not naïve enough to think that Ethan came along just to get out of the house, but he couldn’t pinpoint what his exact motive was.

Ever since the IMF was reinstated and they were back stateside, Ethan was of a rather melancholic disposition. Something changed in him the night they all returned from London, and it was only getting worse. He tried broaching the subject, but Ethan would always dismiss his claims.

 

“No, I’m fine really. I’m just tired is all.”

 

That was his excuse for everything. He rarely left the house, only to go to work or on a mission and he was drinking often. Benji wanted to help coax his friend out of this shell he created, but he couldn’t do that if Ethan never talked. The conversation would then turn to how Benji was dealing with things.

 “I started to see a therapist, just to help compartmentalize.” That’s what Ethan needed, Benji supposed. He just needed someone to talk to and he just couldn’t express it.  It frustrated him. Why couldn’t they just talk?  In the entire time he had known the man, he never knew Ethan to be concerned for his own safety and wellbeing. Ethan was always the hero; he could never be vulnerable.

In any case, he was determined to make this trip as pleasant as possible, it seemed like they both needed it. He got out of the shower, a towel tied to his waist and hair still dripping with water.  He exited the bathroom, and he noticed that Ethan had since awoken and was already dressed. Ethan turned his head and looked up at him. Benji suddenly felt exposed.

 

“Ethan, can you pass me my bag, please?”  

 

There was a strange air around them. Ethan returned his attention on the television watching a recap of the morning news. Benji got dressed in the bathroom and walked out again, saying nothing.  

 

“How’d you sleep last night?” He asked finally breaking the awkward silence between them.

“Well, normal.’ Ethan responded quickly “What about you?”

 “Same, I guess.”

 

Benji walked past Ethan, towards the curtains, pulling them back. He looked out the window, people were walking around going about their daily lives. London was as lively as ever. There were shops he did not recognize the name of; new and old cars occupied the street.  How much things had changed since he lived here.  

His family would be expecting him soon, ready to hear about life in America. They’d ask how happy he was there, how come he hasn’t visited more often. He’d smile and say that he had too much work to deal with and they shouldn’t fret about it. 

 They didn’t need to know the things he knew.

 

 He sighed, running his fingers through his hair, “It’ll be weird to see them again, you know.”

 

Ethan noticed his change in temperament “Your family, you mean?”

 

“Yeah, it’s just I dunno, a bit strange I suppose. You ever think about how this could all end? How easy it is for life to move on without you?”  

 

Ethan stiffened up and looked down, avoiding his gaze.  “Why do you say that?”

 

“I haven’t been around to see my parents in over two years now, we don’t talk very often

anymore.” Benji remained still at the window, his chest feeling heavy.

 “They worry too much about me, I guess that’s why they wanted me to find someone.,” He finished in a whisper.

 

Ethan looked up at him, knowing the regret Benji felt. Benji still stared on, “Lately it’s been hard to even think of home. My family, they don’t know what I do. I’ve never spoken a word of it to anyone. I’ve been a little distant hoping they’d resent me or something.” “

 

Because it’s easier than facing death and leaving them behind, right?’  Benji looked at Ethan,

‘I can relate.” He understood better than anyone. The idea formed in his mind and a warmth began creeping up Ethan’s neck and face. The mere suggestion flustered him, but he was determined to help his friend.

“You mentioned to your family that’d I’d be coming along, right?”

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

 “Who says we’ve got to mention that we’re single?” He asked

 

“Wait, what are you suggesting? Are you saying we actually play house together? Ethan I can’t ask you to do that.”  Benji spiraled, the sudden horror of his family asking probing questions had set in and all rational thought exited his mind.

 

“What if they ask about sex Ethan?!” He shouted in a panic.

“Well when the children ask, we’ll just say a stork delivers the baby at the doorstep.” He said in a playful manner.

 

“Ethan this is serious, don’t act like a smart ass. That’s Brandt’s job.”  

 

“Didn’t you want to impress your folks and get them off your back? Look, I mean it’s not as though we haven’t done deception and infiltration missions before, this isn’t much different, except there is a less probability of death.”

 

“I guess you’re right.” Benji conceded

 

There was another pregnant pause.

“So how are we going to do this?” Ethan asked. 

 

Benji thought for a moment “Just act natural I suppose. They’ll want to know how we met and how long we’ve been together.”

 

“OK, how about we met at work. You helped me with IT stuff and I was so appreciative that I asked you out for drinks.”

“That is how we met. That was like nine years ago. You could be a little more creative.” Benji stated flatly

 

“Benji, not everything has to be _Love, Actually_. That’s how many couples meet.

 

“You got me there. I mean my parents think I’m a security instructor engineer, so it seems plausible. But we need a first date story. Like maybe we went to go see a movie together.”

 

“Ok, what movie did we see? Was it action, romantic comedy, drama, documentary?”

 

“Does it matter?”  


“If I’m going to be your fake boyfriend, I want to be a good one. We are trying to get your family off your back, right? What is your family like anyway?”

 

“Like normal families, I suppose.  My mum’s a lawyer and my father’s an engineer. My sister Audrey is a linguistics professor at Oxford.”

 

“Sounds like you come from successful stock. They’re all going to be around I suppose?”

 

“Yeah, and my gran is going to be there too.”

 

.

The conversation went on as they went to check out of the hotel. They felt nervous, how hard would it be to convince Benji’s family? Benji hailed them a cab and they rode in silence until they arrived at an expensive looking apartment. The building was white with Greek-style columns, and a gorgeous black door.  Benji approached the door with confidence, ringing the doorbell on his right. Ethan stood behind hoping not to attract too much attention to himself.

 

The door opened and a young woman with shoulder length blonde hair opened the door, she was dressed casually and smiled at the sight of Benji.

 

“Benjamin, you’re here!” She leaned into an embrace  
“Hi Audrey, I’ve missed you.” He said in reply. Ethan remained still a few steps behind.

 

As she let go she noticed Ethan. “Oh, Benji, who's your friend?” She extended her hand to him “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Benjamin’s sister Audrey.”

 

He smiled politely at her and shook her hand “It’s nice to meet you as well, Ms. Dunn. My name’s Ethan”

 She smiled even wider, glancing at Benji with a knowing look.

“Oh no need for such formalities here, just call me Audrey. Benji mentioned you’d be joining us up here.”

 

Benji smiled back shyly to Ethan, as Audrey continued on,

 

“There wouldn’t be something you’re hiding from your dear sister, is there Benji?”

 “Oh, yeah.” He said politely “We’ve been together for about a year now”

 

“Benji, how come you’ve never mentioned this before!?”

 

“Oh well, you know...?” Benji wanted to drown himself. Ethan saw how flustered he had become, knowing what to do, he stepped in.

 “Well, Benji and I have been waiting for the right time to tell everyone. Some of our friends don’t know yet. He told me he was going to visit his family and so I decided now would be a good time, but only if he was ready.”

 

“I see.” Said Audrey. “Well, it’s good to know Benji’s found someone. I hope we get to know each other better, Ethan.”

She led them inside the house, It was well furnished, with dark wooden floors reflecting the ceiling lights. Photographs filled the walls, illustrating the picture of a close family. Graduation pictures, family vacations. No wonder Benji wanted to lie to his family. 

 She brought them to the dining room, where an older man seemed to be reading some old worn book and a woman to his side with several of manila folders around her,

 

“Mum, Dad. Benji’s here!”  She shouted, shaking the two out of their concentration. Benji’s father got up first,

“Audrey was that necessary. I’m sure there are people in Japan who didn’t hear you.”

Benji laughed and Ethan smiled, easing the tension in him.

“Sorry dad, I’m just excited is all. Benji’s got a boyfriend!”

Benji looked at his sister “You couldn’t wait for me to tell him?”

Benji’s father brought his son into an embrace, “Oh it’s so good to see you, son. So, who is this young man you’ve brought with you?’ he turned his attention to Ethan.

 

 “Am I correct in assuming you are the cause of excitement in Audrey this morning?”

 

“Yes sir, I am Benji’s boyfriend. My name is Ethan, it’s nice to meet you, sir.”

 

A voice beside them spoke up. “It seems he has good manners, dresses well,’ Benji’s mother got up from the table, collecting her papers into one table.

 

“What is it you do for a living Ethan?”

 

“Or you could say good morning, Mum,” Benji said, embarrassed.

 

Ethan barely hesitated “I do security work in D.C. ma’am. It’s nice to meet you.” He held out his hand, she looked him up and down before breaking into a smile herself and shook his hand.

“I apologize for my demeanor earlier, I just wanted to know what kind of man my son is associating with. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

 

So far, the atmosphere was pleasant, if a bit awkward. She continued to talk.  
 

“I’m sorry for my abrupt departure but I must attend to some work meeting, please make yourself at home.”

She kissed Benji’s forehead and said her goodbyes. Benji’s father spoke up, “to be quite honest, I wasn’t expecting you to bring someone home this time around. You only said that you bringing a work friend. ”

 

“Yeah, sorry. I should’ve mentioned it.”

"No, no it’s quite alright.  You two will be sharing your old room I take it?”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Ethan answered

“Alright, I leave you two to get settled. We’ll be having dinner out tonight.”

 

With that, they brought their luggage upstairs to a small bedroom at the end of the hallway. Benji led him to his old bedroom. It was empty save for a few old posters and the small bed, from his teenage years probably,  given its appearance.

 

“Well, that’s my family,” Benji said as he placed his clothes in his old dresser.

“They certainly are nice.’ Ethan said, lounging on the bed. ‘Do I make a convincing boyfriend?” 

“That depends on how we are at dinner tonight, sweetie.”

“Right, sweetie”

 

Benji stiffened up, not accustomed to this kind of banter between them. Dinner sure would be interesting.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you guys think. I will be sure to update soon. School's kicking my ass right now, but I'm sure Y'all already know. it doesn't matter though this keeps me going. 
> 
> Check out my tumblr too, and send me a message!  
> My username is the same as on here.


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